Bloggin' Bama Girl

WOW!!! Been a LOOOONNNNNGGGG While

2011-01-04T14:37:00.000-06:00

Knock, knock - anyone home?

It's been a while since I've been on here - pretty much because my life has sucked ass over the past year. It would be awesome fodder for a blog post, but I don't know you people.

It is random Tuesday (cliché, I know), so off with some randomness...

1. I managed to gain 5lbs. over the holidays, which sucks ass. but the fact that my dog is 8lbs. over weight makes me feel better that I'm not suffering alone.

2. Due to the above mentioned 5lbs. I actually did 2 workout videos this week (heaven forbid I drive the 4 miles to the gym). The 2nd was a Pilates/Cardio workout that has totally kicked my ass. It's been 2 days and it hurts to even touch my quads.

3. Items 1 & 2 DOES NOT mean that I have a New Years resolution of becoming healthier & fitter... I just know my ass better than that and don't want to set myself up for failure.

4. Saw Black Swan this weekend with Portman and Mila Kunis.... Anyone else seen this total mind F!c#$ of a movie? Holy shit, what a trip. There's no way to explain it, you'll just have to see it for yourself.

I have now officially wasted too much time, back to work.

Later folks!!! I am going to try to post more in 2011

Shit!! .... Literally

2009-12-09T13:44:00.000-06:00

How in the world would you react to something like this....

Does anyone know what that says at the end?

this just tickles the shit out of me

2009-12-09T11:11:00.000-06:00

Holy Crap, for the Love of All that's good and Holy!!

2009-12-08T15:56:00.000-06:00

I was too shitfaced to blog Saturday, Sunday I was too hungover, yesterday was insane because the boss man was out sick, so I'm a few days late on this but....

ROOOOOOLLLLL TTTIIIIDDDDEEEE!!!!!!!

Suck it Florida!!!!

Debutants & Sweat Pants

2009-11-30T15:20:00.000-06:00

HAPPY MONDAY!!! (note the dripping sarcasm)

I'm seriously NOT happy that the long weekend is over. After 4 days of laying around like beached whale, devouring leftovers in my favorite pair of bleached spotted 15 y/o sweat pants and 20 y/o sweat shirt, I DID NOT want to be here today. And it doesn't help that it's pointing towards a slow day which causes a shift in space/time making my 9 hours to feel like 14!

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I have a new neighbor that lives in the condo below me. He's a strapping young twenty-something who bartends at a local night club on weekends. I've seen various young tramps ladies coming and going in the wee hours of the morning in their whorish outfits lovely evening attire. But this weekends conquest was a genuine debutant, leaving at a respectable 8:30 (not too early to be sneaking out, not to late so as to not seem needy to the young man), donning one of his t-shirts, a pair of sneakers, a black micro-mini…… carrying her clip-on hair. I SHIT YOU NOT!!! Ho mama was waving around the faux locks while jabbering on the phone. No doubt talking to one of her friends that she ditched at the bar to bone the bartender. Class act!!!

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Well, it's official. I'm going on a strict diet. After the above mentioned laying around this weekend, I gained 3 more pounds. That's a total of 14 lbs this year. While some of you may feel 14lbs. Is a drop in the bucket, 14lbs. On my short ass…. NOT COOL. The thing is - we're broke as a haint and diet food is expensive as shit. I have 2 pair of pants that I can squeeze into and no money to be wasting on clothes. Especially when I have a closet full of perfectly fine clothes, I just need to loose about 10 lbs. to get in them!!! I really need to join Weight Watchers again, but that's not going to happen. I think I'll just try and cut the beer out. Me and Sugar Britches went through almost 2 cases this weekend. That's a shit load of beer for 2 people. But hey, we're rednecks, it's what we do.

Converstations with Granny Part 1

2009-11-25T09:00:00.073-06:00

Wow! 2 days in a row!

My mother is a lovely little 72 y/o woman. Soft spoken, God fearing, southern lady, who has a tendency to say some crazy shit. I've decided to share with you, on an ongoing basis, what I like to call.... Conversations with Granny. (we ALL started calling her Granny after the first grandchild was born - have no idea why)... kinda like Postcards from Yo Momma, but yeah, not cause this is MY mama not YO mama

This is an email I recieved from her several weeks ago after I inquired about a Sunday School luncheon she went to....

"Yes, sat by an old woman and her son "the psycitricist" (sp) I had wondered for a long time who they were. She is real old on a walker he has a practice in New Orleans and flys up here every weekend to be with her. He was entertainging. Of questionable gender. But oh my "good looking". Just like most of "them"...."

I spoke with her yesterday discussing the slaw she just made...

Granny: I just got through with the marinated slaw - it makes me feel like Christmas!
Me: What the hell? Slaw makes you feel like Christmas?
Granny: Yeah, it's green, red, & white. You know, Christmas.
Me: I'm so going to post that
Granny: What does that mean?
Me: oh, nothing

I'm confident that I'll be able to make this a regular feature to share with the ~~two people who read this blog~~ masses.

have a Happy Thanksgiving!

drugs and the holidays......

2009-11-24T11:48:00.000-06:00

In the spirit of actually posting something I decided to participate in Random Tuesday Thoughts. Just steal the little pic for your blog and then mind dump.

Zoloft is the nectar of the gods. I was going bat shit crazy there for a while due to stress of living with someone with asshole tenancies, my natural predisposition to worry like a pro, and lack of funds coming in. Been on the shit for a couple of weeks now. I'm sleeping MUCH better, not crying, and I could give a shit when Sugar Britches decides he's going to act like a 14 y/o girl with PMS.

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Thanks to Moooog over at Mental Poo for sharing this post today. You know it's going to be a great day when you spew coffee out your nose first thing in the morning. That shit is FUNNY!

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I'm going to come out and say it.... the holidays SUCK. I don't like all the family functions. Not to say that I don't love my family. But shit, we all live within 20 miles of each other. I see them all the time. I want a day off where I don't have to do shit, especially when it involves listing to my SIL recount how she's done everything and had every experience everyone else has. And listen to my worthless niece who likes to be the center of attention by literally talking over everyone. Ack! I really wish the dr. had prescribed some Valium with the Zoloft! Or that we were Catholic so I could drink. Either would work.

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My mother is a kitchen nazi, bad. She never taught any of us to cook because she would get impatient and kick us out so she could get it done. Every year at Thanksgiving/Christmas she says she's not going to cook, then emails everyone a list of what they're to bring.

Last year, I started off being told to bring green beans, corn, dessert, tea, and ice. About a week before, I start getting emails... "I've got the green beans covered, I found them on sale, you don't need to bring any". Then it was, "don't worry about the corn, I have some in the freezer", then it was, "don't bring tea, I made 12 gallons this morning, I was scared you'd forget, I hope that it's enough"! My sister and SIL both received similar emails relieving them of cooking duty dish by dish. By the time I rolled into the house that day, all I had was a bag of ice.

Then we get the announcement from mama.... "I'm not doing this again next year if no one else is going to cook!"

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Modern Family.... have you seen this shit!!! OMG one of my new favorite shows! I would post a clip from it, but I honestly can't narrow it down to my favorite. Just go watch all the episodes right now, you won't be disappointed!

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That's all I've got for today. Maybe now that the drugs have taken hold, I will be in the mood to post/comment more.

If not, I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!

at the RED HOUSE..... holy shit this is funny

2009-10-28T06:20:00.000-05:00

Timeless classis (in my mind anyway)

2009-09-18T05:19:00.000-05:00

Just a blast from the past that I remembered the other day. Bless the ones who have the time, energy, want-to, to take the time to upload random shit to Youtube...

This cracked my ass up as a kid and at almost 40, the shit STILL cracks me up for some reason.

I suck....

2009-09-11T10:15:00.000-05:00

I really suck at this blogging stuff.
it's not that I don't have anything to say or need to bitch or whatever, it's just that even in RL I suck at spewing my feeling all over someone so why in the HELL would I think I could spew my shit internationally?? Not to mention, who really gives a shit what I think anyway?

OK, back to work.

A little humor for your day.

2009-08-12T08:14:00.000-05:00

A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE, CLEVER OBSERVATION; A GENERAL TRUTH OR ADAGE.

1. The nicest thing about the future is it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that, at class reunions, you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a dog and you'll find you have a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who anxiously awaits his 16th birthday.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM: It could be a right number.

13. No one ever says 'It's only a game' when their team's winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize in about 40 years we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden
Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness - but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than in a Kia.

19. After 70 if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

WTF?.....

2009-08-04T05:08:00.000-05:00

there really should be a law against shit like this.... from stupidvideos.com

Too disgusted to think of a title....

2009-07-29T15:10:00.001-05:00

I DO NOT agree with Government Controlled Health Care, or any other "plan" the government has in the works to make us a socialist country. If you think that makes me insensitive and uncaring to those around me, then you probably also think that this shit will work and is being done for the "good of the people".

The following is a brief outline of this bill put together by Mat Staver of the Freedom Foundation and Liberty Counsel (contact info is at the end).

After reading, please do not wait to contact your representatives to protest this. If you don’t get through, keep calling, send emails, but do not stop until you know your voice has been heard.

Obama Health Care Plan Details

HR 3200 currently under consideration in the House of Representatives

Pg 22 of the HC Bill MANDATES the Govt will audit the books of ALL EMPLOYERS that self insure!!

Pg 30 Sec 123 of HC bill - THERE WILL BE A GOVT COMMITTEE that decides what treatments/benefits you get

Pg 29 lines 4-16 in the HC bill - YOUR HEALTHCARE IS RATIONED!!!

Pg 42 of HC Bill - The Health Choices Commissioner will choose your benefits for you. You have no choice!

Pg 50 Section 152 in HC bill - HC will be provided to ALL non US citizens, illegal or otherwise

Pg 58HC Bill – Gov’t will have real-time access to individual’s finances & a National ID Health care card will be issued!

Pg 59 HC Bill lines 21-24 Govt will have direct access to your banks accts for electronic funds transfer.

Pg 65 Sec 164 is a payoff subsidized plan for retirees and their families in Unions & community orgs (ACORN).

Pg 72 Lines 8-14 Govt is creating an HC Exchange to bring priv HC plans under Govt control.

Pg 84 Sec 203 HC bill - Govt mandates ALL benefit packages for private Health Care plans in the Exchange

Pg 85 Line 7 HC Bill - Specs for of Benefit Levels for Plans = The Govt will ration your Healthcare!

Pg 91 Lines 4-7 HC Bill - Govt mandates linguistic appropriate services.

Example - Translation for illegal aliens.

Pg 95 HC Bill Lines 8-18 The Govt will use groups i.e., ACORN & Americorps to sign up individuals for Govt HC plan

Pg 85 Line 7 HC Bill - Specs of Ben Levels 4 Plans. #AARP members - Your Health Care WILL be rationed

Pg 102 Lines 12-18 HC Bill - Medicaid Eligible Individual will be automat.enrolled in Medicaid. No choice.

Pg 124 lines 24-25 HC No company can sue Govt on price fixing. No “judicial review” against Govt Monopoly.

Pg 127 Lines 1-16 HC Bill - Doctors/ #AMA - The Govt will tell YOU what you can make.

Pg 145 Line 15-17 An Employer MUST auto enroll employees into public opt plan. NO CHOICE

Pg 126 Lines 22-25 Employers MUST pay for HC for part time employees AND their families.

Pg 149 Lines 16-24 ANY Employer w/ payroll 400k & above who does not prov. pub opt. pays 8% tax on all payroll

Pg 150 Lines 9-13 Biz w payroll btw 251k & 400k who doesnt provide public opt pays 2-6% tax on all payroll Pg 167 Lines 18-23 ANY individual who doesnt have acceptable HC according to Govt will be taxed 2.5% of income.

Pg 170 Lines 1-3 Any NONRESIDENT Alien is exempt from individual taxes. (Americans will pay).

Pg 195 Officers & employees of HC Admin (GOVT) will have access to ALL Americans financial and personal records.

Pg 203 Line 14-15 HC - “The tax imposed under this section shall not be treated as tax” Yes, it says that. Pg 239 Line 14-24 HC Bill Govt will reduce physician services for Medicaid. Seniors, low income, poor affected.

Pg 241 Line 6-8 HC Bill - Doctors, it does not matter what specialty you have, you’ll all be paid the same.

Pg 253 Line 10-18 Govt sets value of Dr’s time, prof judg, etc. Literally value of humans.

Pg 265 Sec 1131Govt mandates & controls productivity for private HC industries.

Pg 268 Sec 1141 Fed Govt regulates rental & purchase of power driven wheelchairs.

Pg 272 SEC. 1145. Treatment of certain cancer hospitals – Cancer patients - welcome to rationing!

Page 280 Sec 1151 The Govt will penalize hospitals for what Govt deems preventable readmissions. (Incentives for hospital to not treat and release.)

Pg 298 Lines 9-11 Drs, treat a patient during initial admission that results in a readmission-Govt will penalize you.

Pg 317 L 13-20 PROHIBITION on ownership/investment. Govt tells Drs. what/how much they can own.

Pg 317-318 lines 21-25,1-3 PROHIBITION on expansion- Govt is mandating hospitals cannot expand.

pg 321 2-13 Hospitals have opportunity to apply for exception BUT community input required. Can you say ACORN?!!

Pg335 L 16-25 Pg 336-339 - Govt mandates established of outcome based measures. HC the way they want. Rationing.

Pg 341 Lines 3-9 Govt has authority to disqualify Medicare Advantage Plans (Part B), HMOs, etc. Forcing people into Govt plan.

Pg 354 Sec 1177 - Govt will RESTRICT enrollment of Special needs people!

Pg 379 Sec 1191 Govt creates more bureaucracy - Telehealth Advisory Committee. HC by phone/Internet?

Pg 425 Lines 4-12 Govt mandates Advance [Death] Care Planning Consult. Think Senior Citizens end of life.

Pg 425 Lines 17-19 Govt will instruct & consult regarding living wills, durable powers of atty. Mandatory!

Pg 425 Lines 22-25, 426 Lines 1-3 Gov’t provides approved list of end of life resources, guiding you in death.

Pg 427 Lines 15-24 Govt mandates program for orders for end of life. The Gov’t has a say in how your life ends.

Pg 429 Lines 1-9 An “adv. care planning consult” will be used frequently as patients health deteriorates.

Pg 429 Lines 10-12 “adv. care consultation” may incl an ORDER for end of life plans. AN ORDER from GOV

Pg 429 Lines 13-25 - The govt will specify which Doctors can write an end of life order.

PG 430 Lines 11-15 The Govt will decide what level of treatment you will have at end of life

(NOTE FROM RJ: The above really does give the government the authority to determine who lives and dies, and when. A government bureaucrat really will be making this decision for you and your loved ones.)

Pg 469 - Community Based Home Medical Services=Non profit orgs. Hello, ACORN Medical Svcs here!!?

Pg 472 Lines 14-17 PAYMENT TO COMMUNITY-BASED ORG. 1 monthly payment to a community-based org. Like ACORN?

Pg 489 Sec 1308 The Govt will cover Marriage & Family therapy. They will insert Government into your marriage. Pg 494-498 Govt will cover Mental Health Svcs including defining, creating, rationing those svcs

PG 502 Sec 1181 Center for Comparative Effectiveness Research Established. – Hello Big Brother – Literally.

Pg 503 Lines 13-19 Gov’t will build registries and data networks from YOUR electronic med records.

Pg 503 lines 21-25 Gov’t may secure data directly from any depart or agency of the US including your data.

Pg 504 Lines 6-10 The “Center” will collect data both published & unpublished (that means public & your private info)

PG 506 Lines 19-21 The Center will recommend policies that would allow for public access of data.

PG 518 Lines 21-25 The Commission will have input from HC consumer reps – Can you say unions & ACORN?

PG 524 18-22 Comparative Effectiveness Research Trust Fund set up. More taxes for ALL.

PG 621 Lines 20-25 Gov’t will define what Quality means in HC. Since when does Gov’t know about quality?

Pg 622 Lines 2-9 To pay for the Quality Standards, Govt will transfer $$ from to other Govt Trust Funds. More Taxes.

PG 624 “Quality” measures shall be designed to assess outcomes & functional status of patients.

PG 624 “Quality” measures shall be designed to profile you including race, age, gender, place of residence, etc

Pg 628 Sec 1443 Gov’t will give “Multi-Stake Holders” Pre-Rule Making input into Selection of “Quality” Measures.

Pg 630 9-24/631 1-9 Those Multi-stake holder groups incl. Unions & groups like ACORN deciding HC quality.

Pg 632 Lines 14-25 The Gov’t may implement any “Quality measure” of HC Services as they see fit.

PG 633 14-25/ 634 1-9 The Secretary may issue non-endorsed “Quality Measures” for Physician Services & Dialysis Services.

Pg 635 to 653 Physicians Payments Sunshine Provision – Gov’t wants to shine sunlight on Docs but not Govt.

Pg 654-659 Public Reporting on Health Care-Associated Infections – Looks okay.

PG 660-671 Doctors in Residency – Gov’t will tell you where your residency will be, thus where you’ll live.

Pg 676-686 Gov’t will regulate hospitals in EVERY aspect of residency programs, incl. teaching hospitals.

Pg 686-700 Increased Funding to Fight Waste, Fraud, and Abuse. You mean like the Gov’t with an $18 million website?

PGs 701-704 Sec 1619 If your part of HC plan isn’t in Gov’t HC Exchange but you qualify for Fed aid, no payment.

PG 705-709 SEC. 1128 If Secr gets complaints (ACORN) on HC provider or supplier, Gov’t can do background check.

PG 711 Lines 8-14 The Secretary has broad powers to deny HC providers/ suppliers admittance into HC Exchange. Your doctor could be thrown out of business.

Pg 719-720 Sec 1637 ANY Doctor who orders durable med equip or home med services MUST be enrolled in Medicare.

PG 722 Sec 1639 Gov’t MANDATES Doctors must have face to face with patient to certify patient for Home Health Svcs.

PG 724 23-25 PG 725 1-5 The same Gov’t certifications will apply to Medicaid & CHIP (your kids)

PG 724 Lines 16-22 Gov’t reserves rt to apply face to face certification for patient to ANY other HC service.

Pg 735 lines 16-25 For law enforce. proposes the Secretary-HHS will give Atty General access to ALL data.

PG 740-757 Gov’t sets guidelines for subsidizing the uninsured (Thats your tax dollars people)

Pg 757-762 Fed gov’t will shift burden of payments to Disproportionate Share Hospitals (DSH) to States. (Taxes)

Pg 763 1-8 No DS/EA hospitals will be paid unless they provide services without regard to national origin

Pg 765 Sec 1711 Gov’t will require Preventative Services including vaccines. (Choice?)

Pg 768 Sec 1713 Gov’t – Nurse Home Visitation Svcs (Hello union paybacks)

Pg 769 11-14 Nurse Home Visit Svcs include-economic self-sufficiency, employ adv, school-readiness.

Pg 769 3-5 Nurse Home Visit Services - “increasing birth intervals between pregnancies.” Govt ABORTIONS anyone

Pg 770 SEC 1714 Fed Gov’t mandates eligibility for State Family Planning Services. Abortion & State Sovereign.

Pg 789-797 Gov’t will set, mandate drug prices, controlling which drugs brought to market. Bye innovation.

Pgs 797-800 SEC. 1744 PAYMENTS for graduate medical education. The government will now control Drs’ education.

PG 801 Sec 1751 The Govt will decide which Health care conditions will be paid. Say RATION!

Pg 810 SEC. 1759. Billing Agents, clearinghouses, etc req. to register. Gov’t takes over private payment sys.

Pg 820-824 Sec 1801 Govt will identify individ. ineligible for subsidies. Will access all personal financial information.

Pg 824-829 SEC. 1802. Govt Sets up Comparative Effectiveness Research Trust Fund. Another tax black hole.

PG 829-833 Gov’t will impose a fee on ALL private health ins. plans incl. self insured to pay for Trust Fund!

PG 835 11-13 fees imposed by Gov’t for Trust Fund shall be treated as if they were taxes.

Pg 838-840 Gov’t will design & implement Home Visitation Program for families with young kids & families expect kids.

PG 844-845 This Home Visitation Prog. includes Gov’t coming into your house & telling you how to parent!!!

Pg 859 Gov’t will establish a Public Health Fund at a cost of $88,800,000,000. Yes that’s Billion.

Pg 865 The Gov’t will MANDATE the establishment of a National Health Service Corps.

PG 865 to 876 The NHS Corps is a program where Drs. perform mandatory HC for 2yrs for part loan repayment.

PG 876-892 The govt takes over the education of our Med students and Drs.

PG 898 The Govt will establish a Public Health Workforce Corps to ensure supply of public health prof.

PG 898 The Public health workforce corps shall consist of civilian employees of the U.S. as Secretary deems.

PG 898 The Public health workforce corps shall consist of officers of Regular & Reserve Corps of Service.

PG 900 The Public Health Workforce Corps includes veterinarians.

PG 901 The Public Health Workforce Corps WILL include commissioned Regular & Reserve Officers. HC Draft?

PG 910 The Govt will develop, build & run Public Health Training Centers.

PG 913-914 Govt starts a HC affirmative action program thru guise of diversity scholarships.

PG 915 SEC. 2251. Govt MANDDATES Cultural & linguistic competency training for HC professionals.

Pg 932 The Govt will estab Preventative & Wellness Trust fund- initial cost of $30,800,000,000-Billion.

PG 935 21-22 Govt will identify specific goals & objectives for prevention & wellness activities. Control YOU!!

PG 936 Govt will develop “Healthy People & National Public Health Perform. Standards” Tell me what to eat?

PG 942 Lines 22-25 More Gov’t? Offices of Surgeon General -Public Health Svc, Minority Health, Women’s Health

PG 950- 980 BIG GOV’T core pub health infrastructure including workforce capacity, lab systems; health info sys, etc

PG 993 Gov’t will establish school based health clinics. Your kids won’t have a chance.

PG 994 School Based Health Clinic will be integrated into the school environment. Say GOVT Brainwash!

PG 1001 The Govt will establish a National Medical Device Registry. Will you be tracked?

Mathew D. Staver*
Founder and Chairman Dean and Professor of Law
Liberty Counsel  Liberty University School of Law
Offices in Florida, Virginia and the District of Columbia, Lynchburg, Virginia
(800) 671-1776 - Telephone      (434) 592-5300 - Telephone
www.LC.org
www.law.liberty.edu

Wash your hands!!!!

2009-07-23T16:44:00.000-05:00

My mother sent the following email to me this morning.....

"WARNING!!!!!!! AFTER USING BIOFREEZE ON SORE JOINTS, WASH YOUR HANDS THOROUGHLY BEFORE WIPING YOUR BUTT!!!"

and yes I DID submit to to Postcards from Yo Momma!!!

Sucking me dry....

2009-06-03T20:39:00.000-05:00

This post will not be near as interesting as the title suggests (you perv), but I have to get this off my chest...

My baby is injured. No, not a squalling mini-me who will need a million dollar education in 18 years...but my dog. The one who has never, nor will ever, ask me for anything but a bite of food or the opportunity to go take a dump in the old lady's yard next door. The one who will love me till her dying day; unlike Sweet Britches who I think is getting ready to leave me after 10 months - but that's another post. The one creature on the face of this earth, other than my parents, who will love me unconditionally... My BABY!!! (i'm 37 with no kids, don't judge)

Now, outside the fact that I am beside myself with worry because of her yelping pain, I'm in the hole with increasing debt on my credit card;NOW the vet is telling me that feeding my dog from the table is causing her pancreas to shut down?!? WTF?!

OK, I'm from Alabama. I don't know what the hell a pancreas is (if I'm spelling it right) or what it does. But your going to sit here and tell me that if I don't pay $40 a month for dog food instead of feeding my dog Alpo and left over pork chops and chicken that her shit is going to stop working??!!!

I'm calling bull shit on this. Dogs have lived CENTURIES on dead raw meat and grass, yet a cooked pork chop with sweet potato is going to cause her insides to stop? You think I'm an idiot? Not to mention that you're trying to tell me that my dog is LIMPING because her insides aren't working right?!?

This is what I get for trying to "improve" myself by moving to the "other side of the tracks". Rich fuckers. They're trying to put me on a guilt trip for not having my dog's teeth cleaned too!!!! WTF??!! Who in their right mind is going to pay $500 to have their dog PUT TO SLEEP to have their teeth cleaned?!? GIVE THEM A DAMN BONE!

And before all you uppity ups go and start telling me how to raise a dog - don't. My family doesn't do throw away pets. I've been around dogs all my life, when we get a dog, it's family. We don't get one then 5 years later decide to give it away or take it to the pound - They're around for a while. In my immediate family alone, I've seen5 live to be over 15 y/o - one lived to be 17 - and we're talking big dogs, not one of those poodles types that live to be 20, blind with no teeth. They all lived a great healthy life until one day, their face starts turning white and within a month, it's off to doggie heaven. Not a dammn one of them had ever been treated for heart worms, never had "annual vaccinations", and I GUARANDAMTEE you they never had their teeth cleaned. And they ALL ate table scraps YOU ASS HOLES!!! tell me my dog can't eat table scraps Fuck You.

WHEW - got that out of my system.

Anyway - the dog has been limping and yelping for a week now. they have told me every thing from failing pancreas to dead liver and UTI. I told them to begin with that it was a pulled muscle. I finally talk them into muscle relaxers and after 2 days on them she's getting back to herself. She's not completely well, but she's getting better. failing pancreas my ass.

Hope you all have a great day!!!!

How do they do it???

2009-06-03T11:26:00.000-05:00

I read numerous blogs on a daily basis and am constantly amazed with the creativity people possess. It would just never occur to me to post some of the random yet hilarious shit people share.

You have Dr. Z ibbs at That Blue Yak - the man is hilarious and I hear he's quite the looker too. ;) Then there are two wonderful women, Crystal and The Redneck Mommy, with their amazing talent to not only make you piss yourself from laughing, but with guts enough to share with the world their courageous walk through some very difficult real life situations. And if you have never had the experience of waking up to a Quirkyblogger Vlog - oh hell, you have no idea what you're missing!!!! And who don't LOVE Cary at List of the Day? No? Well, you're a dork if you don't.

When I started this blog only a short week or so ago, I thought "how easy, any idiot can do this". It never crossed my mind that acutally having a nano-ounce of creativity would be needed. Or a set of balls the size of a camel to share personal shit with billions of other people.

Point is, if you have ended up in my little corner of the world, you may or may not find yourself entertained, but click on any of the links above and your sure to be laughing your ass off in a matter of seconds.

TTFN

Open hand bitch slap....

2009-05-29T08:48:00.000-05:00

Today's society is full of a bunch of idiots who deserve an open hand bitch slap....

Seriously? This guy is a complete waste of air......

Man calls 911 about 'rude' McDonald's worker | Weird | News | Toronto Sun: "ALOHA, Ore. — An Oregon man spent Memorial Day in jail after dialling 911 to complain that a McDonald’s worker was rude and didn’t give him orange juice he ordered.
Raibin Osman of Aloha is accused of improper use of the emergency telephone number.
The Oregonian newspaper reports the 20-year-old bailed out of the Washington County Jail on Tuesday and could not be reached for comment.
Sheriff’s Sgt. David Thompson says Osman ignored deputies who told him the emergency number isn’t to be used for straightening out fast-food orders.
A McDonald’s employee also called 911 during the incident to complain Osman and the people with him were blocking the drive-thru lane and knocking on the restaurant windows."

Seriously....

2009-05-27T06:33:00.000-05:00

Buffy without Whedon & Gellar is just WRONG!!!! I may just boycott this shit...

Buffy Relaunching Without Whedon, Gellar...Regard for Fans? - Yahoo! News

Grape stomping fail

2009-05-27T05:39:00.000-05:00

Just wait it out to 57 seconds for some hilarious shit!

Randomness.....

2009-05-26T15:22:00.000-05:00

Since I'm not a very creative writer, I thought I would just through out some random facts about myself.

1. I'm a believer of Jesus Christ; and like Him, I don't believe in organized religion.
2. My mother hand picked cotton on a 40 acre farm growing up - we're of the Caucasian persuasion.
3. I believe stopping in the merge lane should be punishable by publicly hanging the idiot by their toenails until they bleed from their eye sockets.
4. I think puppies are cuter than babies.
5. I'm not an environmentalist - I'm a conversationalist. (I'll expound on this in a future post if i feel like it)
6. I don't like NASCAR - I'm from Alabama, I cannot disclose this fact in public without being ridiculed and ostracized.
7. If I REALLY like an actor in a movie or series, I will refuse to watch a live interview because it never fails that something so stupid comes out of their mouth that I can never look at their face again.
8. I'm a HUGE fan of the Stargate series. Freaking NUTS over it. My boyfriend is embarrased by this.
9. I had my first asthma attack ever last month. Scared the shit out of me. It was then my mother decides to tell me for the first time that my pediatrician diagnosed me with it when I was less than 2, but didn't put it in my file due to insurance issues. I wish she had told me when she figured out I had started smoking - over 20 years ago. (she really does love me, I know she does).
10. My mother let me start driving before I turned 13 - I've never had a wreck.

And those are just a few random things. about ME :)

Redneck Words of Wisdom

2009-05-26T15:19:00.000-05:00

I love this shit.... REDNECK WORDS OF WISDOM

My all time favorite "redneck" saying is one my mama always used to affectionately use to describe my daddy...
"He's as worthless as a tit on a boar hog".... HA!!!!

What's your favorite???

Holy FUCK!!!

2009-05-20T16:12:00.001-05:00

Just gonna vent for a second….

I'm an avid dog lover. I have a wonderful 8y/o Australian Shepherd who lives in the house with me. I'm use to having a dog around constantly.

I work for a family owned business and the boss lady brings her 2 golden retrievers to work everyday which is pretty cool. Wonderful dogs. Beautiful, gentle souls.

WHO SMELL LIKE THE FUCKING INSIDE OF A DEAD FISH!!!! Holy shit!!! Y'all, I can smell them from 4 offices away!!! I know for a fact that they have had one - YES ONE! - bath in a year!!! They stay outside when they want, they swim in the lake, they roll around in God only knows what!!

How these people stand to live in the house with these smelly dogs is beyond me?! And yes, they stay in the house 99.9% of the time and THEY SLEEP IN THE BED WITH HER!!!!

OH dear Baby Jesus - have mercy on this woman's smeller, it needs healin'!

I'm off to find some air freshener…..

Question of the Day

2009-05-20T13:49:00.000-05:00

My boyfriend - Sweet Britches - and I got into a fight during lunch yesterday. I was right, of course, and was thoroughly piss off at him. By the time I left we weren't speaking. He was brooding because he knew I was right and he was wrong. I was just so pissed, I was scared I'd claw his eyes out if i got started (if you can't say something nice and all that shit).
He was still brooding when I got home, didn't want to talk about it, but he HAD cleaned the entire house, washed dishes AND vacuumed!!!!!

Recon if I stayed mad for a week if he would clean out all the closets and wash the windows?

Question of the day???
If you had the choice of makeup sex or a clean house when you got home after 10hrs of work, which would it be?

Freebies....

2009-05-19T09:29:00.000-05:00

I think it's fitting that my first "real" post is in response to today's post on one of my favorite blogs - ~~The Stephford Diaries~~The Quirky Blogger. I have been stalking her blog for about a month now and OMG - LOVE HER!!!! And thanks to her, I actually have something to post (my mind was blank)... so here goes... My Freebies....

I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man, not married, just shacking up (NO JUDGING!) and we have actually had the discussion of the freebie. The conversation didn't last long; after i ticked off about 10 guys, he says "I don't want to have sex with anyone but you baby" and made me feel like a complete ~~tramp~~ asshole. He's full of shit. Anyway.... here they are, in no particular order....

David Boreanaz .... Seriously - who WOULDN'T wanna hit this.....

Mark Harmon - while he's technically old enough to be my dad (i apparently have issues), the man is F-I-N-E!

Adrian Paul .... I have no words for this man - good Lord....

well, that's it for my first real post - hope you tune in for more!!!!

Off the cliff I go.....

2009-05-18T15:18:00.000-05:00

It took me 2 years to join myspace, I’ve only been on facebook for less than a year and I have yet to become a Twitter user, so it’s no surprise to me that I’m just now starting a blog. And at this point I feel silly since I know absolutely no one is reading, but I digress.I’m just finally following all of the other lemurs off the cliff into the boiling ocean of blogging.
Wish me luck!!!